you are

you are a 13 year old girl 

and after that 

it is only love 

in the sun 

and in the brick underneath you

shining 

prayer

new sky
and death many times is what i have come to know
sharp
that is a drum
rhythm is legs and trust
through the kitchen and driving and sometimes sex
let go of the wheel
many times
many times again
the same words arrive until they are solved
wondering if
are we overwhelmed yet

bookshelf

snapshotting what is important 

learns many about the now 

learns many about home and of food and of distraction 

the existential 

the existential 

the existential 

then 

warm potato

a film in another language 

a text message about a hard day 

a record left rolling into sex 

i stand the grandest and smallest of stages

and let everything else hum quietly 

and let everything else curdle strangely to fit this

which means 

you say we will buy seeds on the weekend 

a garden starts like a fire 

starts well after fire 

be’s bothered 

is concerned 

calls family 

has time to sit and remember calmly 

rather than quickly which is tension which is trauma which is habitual 

really local 

entering into the safe and closing from within 

finally 

it is singing in the underground 

howling and the real rhythm 

and rhythm is ocean and music and living and holding

it is soil

which is human

it is our own personal god

on the bookshelf not yet up 

but hoping 

after years of neglect

to one day be up

call the doctor

what tastes sweet 

convincing yourself of at the very least one constant 

and then touring to another 

couples are alone too 

but that’s an example 

in the bass 

in the stomach 

wear the skirt is easy to say 

easy words 

but not in the bullet of throat or thought  

now i am not in it 

as in i am vulnerable  

because you are scared of aging does not mean i am as the jar lid dries

there is no mother jar 

bass again 

rhythm heat being the outside one together in a room 

but very distant 

what comes up on the machine 

what shows up 

i’m showing up now that’s what i’ll say to myself 

doesn’t work 

quickly 

but surely 

so much evil just to have you on my side 

it is an endless invisible woman 

forever 

and matching comes sometimes 

it is 

momentum 

or 

what gets loud quickly 

waiting room 

holding time 

hey to yourself quickly 

stop 

then stop again

you haven’t actually stopped 

you think i am a joke 

be aware 

wake a point 

stop a sentence 

make a point 

take time and sorrow 

as in memory

i will not answer what it means to bleed

“oxidising: a process where the vessel surrenders itself to
the same element that enabled
it to perform. matter gains a
corporeal sensitivity when it exists
in a constant state of flux”

- hosler and hallyburton (2019)

at a distance, for most eyes, red will be the hardest colour to see

and red is pain 

as green is 

or blue 

and pink was a gavel and a belt 

and now it’s a fuck you 

now it’s a vested interest 

now it’s something to invest in

you can make money off pink 

which is red 

pink doesn’t exist 

except as distant red 

informal pain 

and slightly harder to see

a like-pink wound 

can be learning 

the sure incision of yes

growing in the thick bile

of 

yes

yes is relief

and so is pink

and pink is inside and sometimes it is outside the body

or on top of it

or sewn in

or taken in a pill to invert reality

or injected

or carried by charisma or lack there-of 

the body does 

as it is done upon

and this is what power may be 

a conversation on control 

like helium 

fills a room and is unnoticed

unless ignited or startled

or if we speak too close

we may hear the rearranging of power

the tightening of aluminium

where solidifying becomes a choice

to surrender to oneself means to listen 

which is to  engage with power

a dress fitting of control  

a daily exercise in solidity

and then a memory 

remains 

when control is burnt

or pressurised 

or current

becomes frightening and alluring

looks like time

feels motivating or motor

and that’s all you can see or do

and you do not take your shoes off to enter 

you drink at the burial 

like most do 

and close your eyes for a while to think

and you watch pink

which is now volcanic 

wet molten in the pool

and i hope you are jealous that

some have found an invisible rhythm 

like gas 

and you or we 

have no idea what is coming 

and that will often fill a room

and may offer some relief 

i have done this before

I think a lot about the altar of the body, altering the body, the politics of removal and the violence of expectations and I think about the sound of change and the clocking of unsure and there are moments where we know nothing and I wish we said I know nothing more and sometimes I want to contract smaller than I can and fold at areas I may not be able to and run my hand along the railing of it and have no sound at all, and every time I put my body outside I undo that all as in I retract my statement and be , there is a silence we might find where we both kneel and greet each other and we too stay silent and let the fear guide our hands and press down at our expectations and press out a kind of crying, our hands will cry because maybe this may be the first time they touch without knowing as in they never knew but now have permission to do so, and this may be the song we have been hearing but never sure of where as in hidden sounds are now around us and loud and we might finally relax our shoulders and sigh also

i saw

I saw a baby without a parent on the side of the road

he emerged like a ghost

I sat up with him

the burning end

not today you’re too spent

I am like country music

I seem to almost allow the pain

deep in too easy

once you allow yourself to notice that

oh unburied

A really never unsure why I could hold

I love you sits in

hundreds of moments I wouldn’t or do it I couldn’t say it

so broken and good

I make sure my lips lead with everyone

cause I like them

and they do well at hiding the other

Then I said I would let it accelerate

In a new world

I said it

I said it

I said it

my happiness is not dictated by me in the way it is not dictated by my surroundings as in it is drowning

for and with you