i

said to many things 

that I can hold the opposite and equal 

but it is never truly physics 

when there is choice 

or illusion even dissalows it

and this is 

because there are always hills 

and hard people 

and concessions made oh how long I could talk to you about those small death sacrifices of life 

a strange ecstasy 

which is always 

exhausting 

and you cry with the noise of an old lesbian 

playing guitar 

and the closest friends you have

in the other rooms

and i am guilt still